A Therapist’s Guide to Surviving the Holidays

For many people, the holidays are described as joyful, cozy, and full of connection. In reality, they can also be overwhelming, triggering, emotionally charged, and deeply exhausting, especially if you’re someone who already carries a lot of responsibility and expectations.

If you find yourself counting down the days until the holidays are over, you’re not alone. You’re likely responding to a season that asks a lot, often without acknowledging the impact it has on your nervous system, relationships, and mental health.

For that reason, we've created a guide that’s all about getting through this time with more self-compassion, a sense of empowerment, and fewer emotional hangovers.

Name what makes this season hard for you

Holiday stress is different for everyone. For some, it’s the pressure to perform or host. For others, it’s family dynamics, financial strain, grief, or feeling disconnected.

Instead of asking, “Why can’t I just enjoy this?” and being hard on yourself, try asking:

• What parts of the holidays feel draining or activating for me?

• What expectations am I holding? Are they my own or others’?

• What experiences from the past might be influencing how I feel now?

Simply naming what’s difficult can allow to make more sense of what's happening (and why), and reduce the shame and self-blame that often come with holiday stress.

Let go of the “I should be able to handle this” narrative

If you're someone who is known to be the "dependable one" or the caretaker, needing support can feel uncomfortable and vulnerable, even when the situation realistically calls for support. The reality associated with this time of year is that the holidays often disrupt routines, boundaries, and coping strategies that usually keep people regulated.

When you also add colder weather and less daylight that we're experiencing in Toronto, this disruption can be much greater and the adjustment significantly more difficult.

Signs that you may be undergoing a period of adjustment, can include:

• Irritability or emotional numbness.

• Feeling “on edge” for no clear reason.

• Pulling away or going on autopilot.

• Exhaustion that rest doesn’t seem to fix.

Prioritize taking care of yourself over productivity

The holidays tend to reward doing more: more events, more gifts, more socializing. But your mental health (and your nervous system!) may need the opposite.

Small, consistent, regulation practices can look like:

• Taking short breaks during gatherings (even a few minutes alone), or shortening your stay at these gatherings, if you need to.

• Being mindful of your breathing.

• Grounding through your senses (warm drinks, fresh air, movement).

• Protecting sleep where possible at all costs, and practice sleep hygiene.

Set boundaries that are informed by your capacity, not to please others

It's important to remember that boundaries are ultimately actions that we can take to protect ourselves and our relationships. It can also help to know that boundaries don’t have to be dramatic or confrontational. Often, they’re quiet decisions you make to protect your energy based on how you're feeling nowadays.

This might mean:

• Attending fewer events or being more selective about which events you would like to attend.

• Leaving earlier than usual.

• Saying "no" without over-explaining.

• Choosing which conversations you engage in (and which you don’t).

• Adding more flexibility and less tasks to your day.

You’re allowed to make choices based on your needs, even if others don’t fully understand them.

Make space for mixed emotions

It’s possible to feel both grateful and resentful. Connected and lonely. Relieved and sad.

The holidays often amplify emotional contrasts, especially if there’s loss, estrangement, or unmet expectations involved. Take this as your gentle reminder that you don’t have to choose to feel just one emotion. It's okay to create more room for more than one at a time. In fact, allowing space for complexity can be far more regulating than trying to override it. Your mind and body will thank you for taking all it has to say into account.

You don’t have to earn rest, joy, or ease during the holidays. You’re allowed to make choices that support your wellbeing, even if they look different from tradition or expectation. Use this season as an opportunity to practice listening to yourself without guilt.

Therapy can be a wonderful space to gain the tools to help you listen to yourself, or to process emotions that may be arising for you this holiday season.

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